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Christmas time is nearing, a time for happiness,
A time when families get together, cast off the year’s stress
Happy smiling faces, full of hope and cheer
But for me it’s just the end of another crappy year.
Wake up on Christmas morning, empty and alone,
A quick shower, best clothes on then off to the ‘childhood home’
To spend the day with siblings never spoken to all year,
Who ‘really care’ when deep inside they’re thinking ‘filthy queer’.
I’ve spent my whole life on my own, hiding from the truth.
I didn’t want to let them down, so wasted my whole youth
On secret dates and rendezvous’ and playing stupid games,
Long-term boyfriends taking on 6 different girl’s names
Just to let my family think that everything’s OK,
When they suspected all along what I knew, that I’m gay.
But now I’m in a better place, or so I used to think.
I reached a point of no return; it took me to the brink.
So coming out was easy, from then on in unknown.
Some say that I have blossomed, some say that I have grown.
But they don’t feel the emptiness I’m feeling deep inside.
They don’t live each day wanting to run away and hide.
Each time you meet a special guy and things start going great
Only for them to turn around and say, ‘I just wanna be a mate’.
And then what’s worse you have to sit and listen while they gush
About their pal who they adore, how they think he’s just lush,
How bad it makes them feel when they think it’s going great,
Just to get told the same thing, ‘I just wanna be a mate’.
And now I’m feeling guilty, thinking only of myself,
Worrying too much about being left here on the shelf,
And the friends I’ve gained along the way that I just take for granted
Too busy with self-pity, believing I’m unwanted.
And so I have to bite my lip and hide behind the smile
And let them think that everything’s OK, when all the while
I just want to tell them how I feel, to have them to myself,
And now I’m feeling guilty, thinking only of myself. |
